Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
