I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
