every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
