ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
