just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
