man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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