My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
