i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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