I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
