My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
