wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
