my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
