i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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