Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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