i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
