his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
did i just pee glitter
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
