3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
is that a dick in a sweater?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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