So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
