drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
