you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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