Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
