Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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