he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
