what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
