HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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