TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
