i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do vagina's smell?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
