This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
