I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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