I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
