Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
