remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
