He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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