You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
