i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
