Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
