first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
