You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
