How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
