Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
