i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
