so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
