I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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