I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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