when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
