A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
