if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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