i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
