You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
