I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
