It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
