do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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