he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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