last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
