i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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