when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need water and some morals
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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