broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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