we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize