Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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