I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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