Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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