apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
