i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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