booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
