Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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