You can't special order awesome
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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