Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
