It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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