Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
