How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
