And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
