I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize