I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
